2012 New Year Resolutions

It's a little late for new year resolutions but...

I will not play anymore games this year. Even if it's Diablo 3.
I will study my hardest like never before.
I will love more fiercely than I ever have. Unconditionally.
I will exercise 3 times a week, without any excuses.
I will control my emotions, even when my world is falling apart.
I will struggle and suffer for what I want most in life without complaining.

The Things We Do For Love

I'm 26 years old in 2012. And I made the first big decision in my life. I decided to come back to Malaysia and work. I chose to come back and suffer. I chose to leave behind a nice life in Australia right after I became a qualified lawyer.

We get so sick of hearing that God sent Jesus down from heaven to earth because he loved us. I mean, yea, I'm thankful and all that He loved me enough to give me His only son.

Yet we don't truly understand what it means... not until we have come down to earth for love as well.

Dear God, I know I'm being guided back here. I don't know your plans, I don't know whether it's for better or worse. But I do know one thing for sure.

Thank you for giving me the courage and resolve to pursue my dream.

Power

I had this very realistic dream. I wanted power. Such power till no one in the world could stand in my way. There was a cult who granted it. But at an unbearable price. We had to kill our own parents as a prelude to demonstrating our hatred to the world.

Regret.

When I transformed I couldn't control my anger. Or the destruction. The only sign of emotion that would ever emerge were tears that flowed as I screamed and killed. One of my friends who I've known since kindergarten was in the cult too. Strangely, he could restrain his anger. I begged him to warn my parents before the rest of us were sent to slaughter them. It was a success. But I would never see my parents again.

I fled. I didn't know where I was going. I just kept running. I met a circus trope with tents pitched on a hill. I bought a present and wrapped it. And then I left it to a messenger to have it delivered. I don't know whether it ever reached the person I wanted it to. But the person helping me deliver it said he'd search as long as he lived.

I continued fleeing. I was so scared the people who gave me powers would find me and shred me to pieces for abandoning them after I obtained my powers. But I never asked for all this uncontrollable hatred. Perhaps power and underlying hatred are unavoidably intertwined?

On the way, I slain a dragon three times my size. It was really easy. It felt really good. I felt pleasure. Guilt weighed down on me as the euphoria seared through my veins.

After countless dark nights, I reached a treehouse community in a rainforest. It was pouring heavily. I was naked in human form, but the reflection in the puddles showed me a terribly mutated creature. An old man called me into his house. I entered and he told me to dry myself.

I sat before him and he told me that dark times were coming. I could take refuge and hide in the treehouses forever. Or I could exit the forest and seek help instead of hiding in this leafy prison for the rest of my life. I took some time to think about it. I woke up in mornings and had cereal. I always wondered where the hell they got it from, being in the middle of the forest.

I saw dragons roaming around the forest. I tried to hide from them but they saw me, and they stared. A while after trying to hide in vain, I stared back. They asked me why I was so frightened of them when I was so powerful. I said I didn't want to kill anymore. They said no one decides that I'm a monster. Its the decisions I make that decides what I am.

I realized I haven't transformed for a long time since I arrived at the village. There was this tranquillity to it that eased those anger impulses. I looked into a mirror. My human form was now very close to normal. I decided to venture out of the forest.

The old man who gave me refuge showed me the way out. I was escorted by two men. There was a really huge dragon which guarded the exit and threatened to kill anyone who passed. I demanded to have my way through. It attacked and I retaliated brutally. Even at the brink of death I refused to transform. I would kill the dragon I was or die trying. Somehow, the three of us managed to kill the dragon. It was very hard but we made it. I walked through the exit and saw cars flying through the sky.

A futuristic city. How long as it passed since I left? I walked in the middle of the metal-paved street which was cold and empty. It seemed like no one uses these roads for transport anymore.

I walked till the end of the road. Doors to a very huge building opened. There was a blinding light and I entered. I woke up.

I looked at my phone. There were messages on it while I was asleep.

Bailey, "Still alive?"
Me, "Yea, you won't believe the dreams I just had."